I Will Watch the Ships Come In
by finns travels
Summary: Bella is alone in life. Then she comes across a human while hunting. AU
1. Bella

Preface

I never though that I would escape from the loneliness our kind often feels. I had no mate, and no desire to find one. No real desire for companionship. What use would it be? As much as we would like to tell ourselves, us vampires are not that different then the humans are. We lie, cheat, steal. We are criminals in every sense of the word. We hurt each other much like humans, fighting over territory, fighting over blood. So I lived alone. I though that I would be fine like that, living an eternity by myself.

I never knew how wrong I was.

Chap 1

I looked around the forest, sniffing the air to find my next meal. I could smell the woodland creatures both big and small and decided that I felt like having a mountain lion that day. The previous day I had gone into town to find out what was happening in the world, picking up several newspapers to read. It was the usual, humans killing each other, humans getting sick, humans stealing, the human leaders not following through. Just like always. I had hoped that for once something good happened, cancer being cured, or criminals turning themselves in. But no, they went on in their self destructive behavior. Just like always. The trip into town had made me thirsty, I had good control, but still. A hunt was necessary.

I ran through the woods, admiring the ruggedness of it. I couldn't really explain _why_ I thought it was beautiful, I just did. No humans had come here, tarnishing it with their innate greed for everything they saw. The humans thought that they improved the land they conquered, but they destroyed it. Their want for more would eventually cause their demise. Vampires were like this also. They wanted the humans to continue to be greedy, fight wars, ruin things. It brought most pleasure. It made their job of killing easier.

I had never wanted for a mate, or a companion of any kind. The one who made me was lonely, her mate had been destroyed and she wanted me to attempt to fill the void he had left behind, but I would have no part in killing the innocent humans that were to become our food. I ran away and didn't stop running until I came to this forest, where no humans were near.

My run brought me close to where my meal would be. There were sounds up where the lion was supposed to be, I paused. I could hear the big cat growl and pounce on something. Then I heard the horrid sounds of bones being broken and cries of anguish. Sounds that a lion's regular prey shouldn't make. Sounds that shouldn't be in my forest. Human sounds of pain.

I ran through the trees faster then before, if I could save the poor soul I would. Just because I didn't like the creatures didn't mean I had no compassion for them. Some were truly good, standing out among their evil counterparts.

The clearing where the mountain lion was attacking came up quickly. I raced through the break in the trees, hoping I wasn't too late. If I got there in time I could take the human to the hospital where they could heal. As soon as I saw the cat I pulled it off the human and drained it dry, figuring that I may as well get a meal so I that wouldn't kill the human in my thirst.

The human on the ground moaned loudly and stirred. After burying the lions body I turned to it. What I saw shocked me. It was a human male, around 20 years old I guessed. He was in hunters clothes, a gun was thrown just out of his reach, obviously dropped when the mountain lion attacked. Muscles rippled along his arms, and from what I could see through his ripped shirt, his chest also. Not the muscles of someone who worked out like a bodybuilder, but someone who worked for a living. It was hard to guess his height from the way he was curled in anguish on the ground, but I could tell he was at least taller then my 5 foot 4 inch frame. What struck me the most about him was his face. I never saw anything before in my life like it. It was a face I just wanted to look at for as long as he would let me. For someone who seemed to work outside he was surprisingly pale, but not unattractively so. He had a squared jaw and full lips. A straight nose and striking angled cheekbones were added to his features. Thick dark lashes surrounded his eyes, I could tell they were green even though they were screwed up in pain. Messy bronze hair that looked like it had never seen a comb covered his head.

I stared at the man in awe and wonder. He was beautiful. So beautiful. I had seen pretty humans and vampires before of course, but they weren't anything to write home about, so to speak. But this one, this glorious human boy, he was the epitome of all things ideally stunning. And for the first time in my very long life I truly desired something. I wanted him. I wanted to take him to the cave that held my few possessions, and never let another gaze on him. Have him be mine forever.

But I couldn't have him. It wouldn't be right. Keeping him would be like chaining an angel to a demon. I couldn't keep him because it would be wrong to. Oh, but I longed to have him. I would take care of him, bring him food and clothes, show him my forest, take him into towns so he could choose things he wanted. He would have everything little he wanted and I would have the one thing I wanted most.

A war was raging in my heart and mind. I wanted him, how I wanted him! He would have everything, but human companionship, but what use would that be? Humans were horrible, all of them excepting this one. I wasn't God though. I couldn't decide his fate by keeping him with me. I would ruin him. He may get everything he wanted but that wouldn't make up for what I was taking him from. I would be a demon, stealing an angel from heaven. And even when I had him he would resent me for stealing him. He might have a family, a wife, children, whom he loved, and I would take him away forever.

My mind was soon made up. I scooped the beautiful man who was laying on the ground before me into my arms, relishing in the angels closeness and raced toward the nearest town. I had to give him up, he who belonged to me for a few minutes. I wouldn't even ever know his name.

I set him gently in front of the hospital I found. I couldn't go in. I stood watch in the trees to make sure they found him. I made sure they took him straight to the emergency room, made sure they tended his wounds. Made sure they were going to take care of my angel. As I turned away, to go back to my cave, I heard him speak to the nurse tending to him.

"Where's the woman who brought me here? I never heard her name. I want to thank her. Will you bring her in? Please?"

The nurse's voice was shocked when she answered.

"There wasn't anyone with you. You were alone. No one was there. You have head trauma, I think you imagined it sir. It's evident that you dragged yourself here to the hospital."

I ran away, sobbing dryly, wishing for the first time in years I was human again. I could stay with him then, and never leave. My angel would always think that I wasn't real, and would always pine after him. Always. I had a different outlook on humans now. If they could produce one so perfect, they couldn't be all bad. Someone told me once that when vampires change, its irrevocable, I now know this to be true. I would always want him, ache for him.

When I was back at my home I whispered a wish to the first star coming out of the deep blue sky,

"Keep him safe, let him find happiness, and never never let me hurt him"

**A.N. Okay, so this is the first story on here that I plan on making into more than a one shot (I'm not really counting that I only have two one shots) I hope you like it. If I get positive reviews then I'll try to update soon. I'm not sure exactly how long the story will be, or how often I'll be able to update though. Please r and r, and please no flames. I would like constructive criticism, not being told I'm stupid if you please. Thanks for clicking my story!**


	2. Edward

I woke up to the steady beeping of a heart monitor. There was a tube in my nose, and I could feel the slight prickling sensation in my arm that meant that there was some sort of needle put there. My brain was slightly hazy from pain medication.

When I opened my eyes, they opened to a generic hospital room, beige walls, small window, tan blanket covering the stark white sheets of my bed that had railings on the sides. A T.V set was mounted in the corner of the room, a table with plastic folding chairs underneath. A small vinyl covered couch was pressed against the wall under the window.

I didn't understand how I got here, I had been on a 'male bonding' trip with my cousin Emmett. We were hunting in Canada. The last thing I remember before waking up here was the mountain lion that had tried to make me its meal that day. Before I passed out I could hear the sounds of another animal, maybe another lion or a bear perhaps, attacking the first lion. Then the feeling of being lifted from the ground and flying...

And the face, I could remember the face. The face of the angel God must have sent to save me from dying. She was radiant, marvelous. Mahogany hair had hung down from her head, streaming out behind her as she flew. Golden eyes peaked out from under her dark lashes, looking at me. The only flaw that could be found in her glorious face was her lips, they were plump, but the top one was just a bit too full to be paired with the bottom. I couldn't even think of that as a flaw.

More memories were coming back to me now. I could remember her setting me down on the steps to the hospital, me trying to cling to her so she wouldn't leave. The hospital staff rushing out to get me, taking me to the emergency room to evaluate my injuries. I didn't care about the injuries, I wanted her back. Wanted to go outside and find her. But the people in the hospital told me she wasn't real, that I had suffered head trauma and was imagining things, but I knew I wasn't.

As I was reliving the memories Emmett bust into the room.

"Edward! What the heck happened to you! When you didn't come back to the camp I called the rangers. I took them two days to find out that you were the one I was looking for!"

The nurse frowned at Emmett disapprovingly.

"He's in a delicate condition at the moment Mr. McCarty. We would appreciate it if you would refrain from yelling as you may disturb both him and other patients."

Emmett looked abashed and sat down on the small sofa near the bed. He was wearing his hunting clothes still and there was dirt all over him.

"Emmett, when was the last time you bathed?" I asked

"Before you disappeared" he replied, "I thought that finding my little cousin was more important then smelling pretty, you really had me worried there bro. Your mom is worried sick, I called her to let her know we found you and she is coming up here soon. But what happened? The doctors say you were too out of it when you got here to tell them what happened."

I took a deep breath. I was deciding if I should tell Emmett the whole story or not. He would probably react the same as the doctors and nurses if I told him about the angel that had come to my rescue. But I didn't know how to explain how I got to the hospital from way out in the wilderness if I excluded her presense. Besides that, I wanted her for myself. If I told Emmett and he believed me then she wouldn't be just mine.

I could hear an argument starting from down the hallway. A woman had her voice raised and was yelling at a doctor or orderly or something. Oh no, I recognized that voice. It was my mother. I loved my mom and all but she wasn't someone you wanted around in emergencies. She yelled and cried and screamed and all sorts of other things that could be disruptive. I was her only child and she was fiercly protective of me. I could imagine the hell she would raise over my being in this situation.

"Edward! My baby! Why are you here? Where does it hurt? Can mommy make it better? Don't worry I won't let that incompetent doctor touch you anymore. Have you been taking your medicine, what have they been feeding you? You look too skinny. I think you have a fever. Is that arm bandaged correctly? They told me you have head trauma. How many fingers am I holding up? Never mind, you look tired. Go back to sleep honey, momma will make it better."

After my mothers rant she insisted on tucking me in, embarrassing me. I was 22 years old, not 2. I felt sorry for Emmett when my mom turned on him, chewing him out for taking me on the trip in the first place and telling him that if he wasn't such a bad influence on me I wouldn't be hurt.

I tried to block her out, instead focusing on the face of the angel, and drifted into sleep.

~~~2 weeks later~~~

I was back in Seattle from the trip. The wounds still had stitches and bandages everywhere, and my leg was in a heavy cast. But I was home. My mother was convinced to go back to Chicago, so I didn't have to deal with her hovering over me. My boss at the shipping company I worked for gave me two months off, seeing as I'd never taken even a sick day before the disastrous trip. He told me to take it easy, get healed, and to come back at the end of two months. Two months stretched ahead of me, and I was already unbelievably bored. What was I supposed to do in two months? I needed to keep busy, and my current condition would prevent that.

I sat back in the easy chair that Emmett had placed in front of the window for me. I lived in a fairly nice apartment that looked over the bay. I started to daydream, thinking about the beautiful woman who saved me. I wish she had stayed at least a little while, so I could thank her.

Although I hated to admit it, she didn't seem as real here in Seattle. In the woods, it was different. Everyone had tried to convince me she was the result of my head injury, but out where we were surrounded by forest, the memory was more alive. My angel wouldn't fit here in Seattle, she was too natural to be in such an industrialized place. But I wanted her to be real. I wanted her to have stayed with me.

Immersed in my memories of the angel rescuing me, I fell asleep wishing that I could see her just one more time.

**A.N. So I updated faster then i thought i would. The next chapter will be back in Bella's point of view. Ummm. So, yeah. I forgot to put my disclaimer in the last chapter, just so you all know I'm not Stephenie Meyer. You should know that already though cause the quality of my writing isn't as good as hers. R&R please.**


	3. Bella in the Cave

**Disclaimer: I'm not Stephenie Meyer, you know that, I know that, every knows that. I'm going to forget putting the disclaimer in later, just telling you. So, if I forget, just know I'm not her.**

I sat in the back of my cave. Before I had found him, the cave had been little more then a storage place for my few possessions. Now it was like a holding pen. Before I had found him I had never explored the inky blackness in its entirety, I had had no reason to. After I left him at the hospital I wandered around in here. I couldn't see anything. Vampire eyes can see almost anywhere, but not in the very deepest depths of my cave.

I sat in the back of my cave. Pictures of him running through my mind. The way he looked up at me when I left him at the hospital. The way he held to me with all that was left of his strength. The sounds his voice made when he asked me not to leave him there alone. Alone, thats how I felt now...

I sat in the back of my cave. I thought about my human life, tried to remember if I had someone special to me. Surely I would remember them. But I didn't. I wasn't interested in dating. All my friends dated, and at one point or another, they all had broken hearts. They would come to me crying, telling me how he had left them. And then they would tell me that this one was different. Then they would cry again. I would be glad I had never given my heart to someone when it could be thrown away so easily.

I sat in the back of my cave. I conversed with myself. Tried to talk myself out of whatever I was feeling. My heart wouldn't listen. Before I saved him, I had felt whole. Now it felt like parts of me were missing. I didn't understand it. Of course I had heard of feeling like this before, but I had never experienced it. Humans talked constantly about feelings like this. Vampires talked about the pain of losing their mate. But why did it have to hurt so much?

I sat in the back of my cave. I ridiculed myself. I had gone for _years_ without wanting anyone in anyway. Not for anything. I run into a complete stranger, a human stranger no less, in the woods half dead and my heart is gone. I didn't even know his name. Love at first sight isn't supposed to be real, but of course I'm not sure that this longing for him is love either. What is though if not love?

I sat in the back of my cave. Wanting to see him, but seeing darkness.

I sat in the back of my cave. Wanting to touch him, but feeling only hard rock.

I sat in the back of my cave. Wanting to smell him, but smelling only stale cave air.

I sat in the back of my cave. Wanting to hear him, but hearing memory echoes of his voice.

I sat in the back of my cave. Wanting to feel love, but having my object of adoration far away.

I sat in the back of my cave. And he wasn't there with me.

**AN: Wow, I feel a little depressed now. Sorry the chapter was so short, I couldn't really make it longer without rambling. Actually, it might ramble anyway, but I think its pretty okay. So tell me, did you like it? I know its short, but really, there is only so much alone depressingness that a chapter can have, and while I have read longer depressingness chapters, I think this adequately shows how Bella feels right now. R&R please!**


	4. Edward at Home

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. I wish I did. That would mean I own Edward. But I don't. Sad day. :(**

It had been five weeks since the mountain lion attack and three weeks since I had come home. I was constantly bored. Absolutely nothing was on TV during the day except for cheesy soap operas, and I soon became way too involved in the screwed up lives of the characters for any self respecting man to be. If Emmett ever found out I watched these stupid things then I would never hear the end of it.

One month of my forced time off from work had passed, and my boss had told me that if I got an okay from my doctor I could come back to work in two weeks. When my mother found out I would be going back so soon she flipped. Apparently she had researched wild animal attacks and the needed time to recover from being brutally mauled by a mountain lion at the least up to six months. The fact that I had only received a couple of deep scratches that were fixed with stitches and had a slight fracture in my ankle that wasn't even enough to warrant a cast didn't register with her. My father said as long as I wasn't near death at the moment he didn't care about me working or not.

I still thought about the raven haired angel that had saved me from the mountain lion. If it hadn't been for her my injuries would have been a lot worse then some scratches. She starred in my dreams, the way we magically flew through the forest replaying over and over endlessly. Sometimes there were nightmares too. They would start out with us flying through the air, just like the other dreams. Then the sunlight filtering through the leaves above would change from a calming green color to a dark forbidding gray. And suddenly the angel wasn't there anymore, I was sitting in the trees in the dark by myself.

These dreams terrified me. I didn't think that they should, being alone in the forest wasn't the stuff of normal nightmares. Any terrors I had had before weren't like this one. But every time it occurred I would wake up with my heart pounding, a cold sweat covering my body, my eyes searching for the person I knew wouldn't be there. Then an overwhelming sensation of being utterly alone would overtake me. In order to get back to sleep I would have to watch TV or read a book for about an hour before I could even stand to turn the lights out.

No one knew about the woman. I hadn't talked about her since the staff at the hospital told me that she was something that my mind had made up when I hit my head on the rocks where I was attacked. They wouldn't listen that I hadn't hit my head at all. But I didn't keep insisting on her existence, I knew that no one would believe me. It was frustrating to me that she didn't seem to be real.

I felt as if I was going crazy. What if she wasn't real? But she had to be, how else did I get to the hospital? I could have actually hit my head, and am just not able to remember it. But, there wasn't any real proof that she had ever been there at all. If she wasn't real how did I have such vivid memories of her? I could have had a vivid dream, or one of those half awake while dreaming things, but that seemed wrong.

Conflicting emotions ran through me. It hurt my brain to think about her so much. I just couldn't stop though, I felt a sort of longing toward her. It was completely ridiculous to fall in love with a woman that I couldn't prove existed. If she was real, she obviously didn't have any interest, and was so beautiful she probably already had someone in her life that she loved. Infatuation with people you don't know isn't very good for you.

The only thing that could keep my mind off of her for any length of time was going back to work. I couldn't do the manual labor I had done before I had gotten into the accident, but my boss said that he could come up with some office work for me to do. Generally the thought of sitting at a desk and doing paperwork would make me want to avoid it, but I had been so bored the past weeks that almost anything was better then being shut up in my apartment all day.

I was in fairly good physical condition, even taking the injuries into consideration, so my doctor gave me the green light to go to work as long as I wasn't straining myself physically. It would be a relief to have different surroundings.

By the time it was appropriate to sleep, I was ready for bed, even eager to sleep, but my mind would not stop thinking about the angel. I wanted to know all about her, though obviously I couldn't. Questions about her life, her family, her job, her favorite music movies and colors, swirled through my mind.

I drifted off to sleep trying to convince myself she wasn't real, that she really was an apparition. It didn't work.

**AN: Wow, long time no write, huh? Sorry, I was busy doing summer school PE so that I can take the classes I want next year. Thats not really an excuse, but I was soo tired by the time I got back I didn't feel like writing, along with my summer art assignments and an online course I'm doing at the moment. I procratinated today so I decided to write this chapter. Its longer than the last one, but only by a little bit. R&R please!**


	5. Bella Emerges

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. :(**

The days went by depressingly, though in actuality I wasn't sure how much time had gone by. Usually I am able to tell, but the darkest depths of a cave muddle even vampire senses. I sat in the dark feeling bad for myself and mourning the loss of someone that I never really even knew. The darkness pressed around me and I welcomed it, it seemed to balance the scales, I filled the cave with my melancholy, and it pushed darkness into every cell of my being.

Then one day I had the sudden urge to leave the cave. It wasn't so much a voice inside me that moved me on, it was more a feeling that sitting in the dark wasn't the right thing to do anymore, and that I needed to leave as soon as possible. So I rose from the floor, and went back to the mouth of the cave. In my grief I hadn't noticed how far I had actually gone, even for a vampire it seemed a long way. But my memory served me correctly and I made it out.

It was night outside. Rain was falling. I could smell pine sap leaking from the trees, and the rich smell that earth makes when it becomes damp. I could hear the animals walking through the woods or settling in their nests. Coming out into this night was refreshing, it was the kind of rainy night that cleanses everything, and that makes it new again for the morning sun.

I walked along the old paths that were like new when I had gone into the cave, and that were now slowly being overtaken by the trees and undergrowth. It made me wonder how long my sorrow had taken to run its course. The path I was on would take me to a mountain lake, I decided to see if it had changed from the last time that I been there.

The lake was not much different from when I had last seen it. Other than the expected erosion from the shores, the lake had not really changed at all. I sat on a rock that jutted out over the water, watching the rain dimple the surface of the lake, and contemplated what is was that I would do next.

I could stay in the forest. Act like nothing ever happened. Go on with my half life as I had, as I would have continued to do, if I had never met the human.

I could leave. Travel the world, learn all there is to know. Make maps of unexplored continents, write encyclopedias of everything I know, everything I find out. Create beautiful cultivated gardens in wild places, designed to be allowed to go back to nature in a carefully planed ruin. I could be the untold superhero of the world, helping with conservation efforts and humanitarian toils. Clean up the streets of cities, help put drug lords and gang leaders into jail. Provide money to struggling mothers. Catch extra meat and bring it to the doorstep of a starving family.

I could look for him. I could find out all there is to know about him. I could be his constant companion, one that he doesn't know about. I could be his protector.

All the choices appealed to me in one way or another. Staying in the forest, the place that had been my home for so long was tempting, I didn't want to travel outside of my comfort zone. Going out into the world and saving the people of it and learning as much about everything also appealed to me. Who wouldn't want to be the mystery savior mentioned in papers? Who wouldn't want to know everything about everything? Who didn't want to go on wild, dangerous adventures in unpopulated areas of the world if they knew they would come to no harm? And looking for the angel was the most tempting of all. My heart called to him.

All the choices had features that would be almost impossible to overcome though. If I stayed in the forest I would never even be able to distract myself from thought of him. The forest was where I had found him. The forest was where I fell in love. Vampires are like living stone, we rarely change, but when we do it is extreme and irreversible. Going and saving people would make me bitter eventually. If I was not recognized for my saving of them, and they asked for more, helping them would soon become a thankless tedious task that I would dread. Knowing everything there is to know is impossible, even for a vampire. And once I accumulated all that knowledge, what would I do with it? I couldn't hand it over to the humans, they would ask where I got it all. And leaving it anonymously would be unbearable, letting others take credit for all my hard work.

Looking for the angel was out of the question too. What about when he died? What if he had a wife? I would not be able to watch him love another, even though I recognize that I have no claim over him at all. I would not be able to rescue him from many things without him noticing, and he wouldn't have head trauma to excuse the fact that a strange woman seemed to be stalking him. And I would most definitely would be stalking him.

So I continued to sit at my lake, in my forest, in the middle of the rain. I was undecided about what to do, if I should stay, or if I should go. I couldn't hide in the safety of the trees anymore, but neither could I leave their familiar arms. I needed to do _something _I just didn't know yet what that something would be.

**AN: So Bella is now at a crossroads of sorts. What will she choose? Sorry it took so long for me to update, I don't really have an excuse though. R&R please! And also tell me what you think that Bella should do. Pwese?**


	6. Edward Frustrated

**AN: I'm so so sorry it has been so long!!! The time has just passed so quickly for me and I didn't realize until very recently just how long its been since I've updated!! I do plan on getting at least 2 more chapters out by the end of December, but I can't make any promises. **

**So a quick summary of whats happened so far- Bella saved Edward from the mountain lion and was lovestruck. She left him at the hospital. Edward went back home to Seattle and Bella went and his in a cave. In the last chapter Bella came out and now has a decision to make.**

E POV

A year had passed since my attack in the woods. All my stitches were gone and the cast that my mother had insisted be put on my barely fractured ankle had been taken off. I was back to my job in the ship yard, helping to load and unload all of the shipments. After just a week in the paperwork job I was just as stir crazy as I had been in my apartment. But soon enough I could work again.

My mother was even more meddling now in my life than she had been before the accident, she was convinced that I didn't know what was good for me and that I needed her desperately. So she convinced my dad to move to Seattle. And into a block of apartments across the street from me. Mom came over almost every day and did wholly unwelcome things, like clearing my refrigerator from things like beer, processed meat, and takeout food. She went through my drawers to make sure I hadn't been indulging in 'unnecessary actives' and even asked the cable company to cut down on half of the sports channels because they weren't wholesome enough for me to watch. And pamphlets on the joys of working in the medical field often turned up in weird places, like taped to the back of cereal boxes and behind the curtains so that when I opened them I would see them.

She tried to play matchmaker too. I was often bullied into going on blind dates that she set up for me with successful women, who were more often than not, also mysteriously engaged in the medical career. Most of the women were nice, but I didn't have any real connection with them that made me want to go on more dates.

Emmett thought that all this was really quite hilarious. Ever since we had been children he had called me a 'mamas' boy. When my mother would invite him over to eat dinner with us (because she came over and cooked dinner for me frequently without being asked) he would get her talking about my career options and suitable women and tell her how much healthier I looked ever since she had moved out here. She gave him extra helpings when he flattered her like this and he would smirk at me when she wasn't looking.

I wanted to punch him.

The truth was that I was filled with restlessness. My job at the shipping company had been perfectly fulfilling before, but now I was unsatisfied. I wanted a change, but I didn't know what I wanted instead. I would compare it to when you want to watch a TV show, but you flip through every single channel and don't feel like watching any of them. Only this was a lot worse. I needed space and time to work out what I wanted to do with my life, but darling mother was suffocating me.

And I was _angry._ Angry at the angel for coming into my life, for both saving me and ruining me at the same time. Even though I had only seen her for what seemed like a few seconds her face appeared in my mind every time I was alone, every time I didn't have something to occupy myself, every time I shut my eyes, and every night in my dreams. It was sweet torture. She had taken some of my sanity and I had no way to get it back. But no matter how angry I was, I couldn't hate her. She was so pure. And I wanted to be around her purity.

I was slowly and surely becoming a recluse. Emmett, for all his joking and teasing, was probably hurt by this. He was a cheerful friendly person, and to have me not want to be around anybody for any reason did not go well with his personality. I don't want to be alone and bitter and pulled apart, but I just can't help it. Lately I would turn down trips to the bar for a night alone at home watching bad made for tv movies and cold leftovers.

Mother thinks I need a change, and I think that she's right. I just don't know how to. I have always been a very routine person. Change isn't my thing. But I think its the only thing to get the angel out of my head. To be so completely obsessed with a woman who you don't know is unhealthy. Once I get out f this rut of self pity and depression I should be able to get over it. Start over fresh. Maybe even move into a new apartment.

Now I just have to convince myself to actually do it.

**I know that was really short, but i think all my chapters are really short. lol. So what do you think Edward should do to attempt to get over Bella? I thought about having him turn to the piano, but that's rather cliched now. If no one minds the cliche i might go ahead with it, but i would appreciate all ideas. So R&R please!!!**


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